we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
