I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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