My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
