You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
