He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i need some magic done to my vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
