its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
