in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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