recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
