id be glad to
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
