I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
