Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
