I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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