By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
