remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
