She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She needs sedatives and a leash
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
