no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
