he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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