Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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