It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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