I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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