Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
