Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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