I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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