You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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