i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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