Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
