porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
