So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
