You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
