how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My vagina is officially offended.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
