Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
