I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
