I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
