My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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