I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
