i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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