she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
