hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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