Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
