I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
