He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ugly people sure do ruin things
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
