Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
