What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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