its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
