dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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