Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
