just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
