i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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