I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
