I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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