your parents love me but you hate me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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