I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize