Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
