So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
