i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
