wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize