Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
