A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
