I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
