After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
