one two three fourrrrnication!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
