Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
