Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
