whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
