I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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