And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
