The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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